Double Mushroom all the way!

Woah man!  While searching for nutritional information on mushrooms for a friend, I came across an entire website devoted to one of my most favorite foods!  The best part?!  Recipes!!  And, did you know that there is a Mushroom Council?!?!  I want to on it!

Mushrooms
{Image via Fitho.in}

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Happy

I have a secret that I'm hesitant to share because, well, I don't want to get in trouble.  I've repented, but what I did was illegal, and, I could possibly still get some major fines, but I think it's important to have redemption stories to look to, so I'm putting mine out there.  Here's the deal.  I had hundreds of illegal music downloads on my computer just a couple weeks ago, but they've all been destroyed now!

I've felt guilty on and off for stealing, but I would always stop myself from getting rid of the goods because, hey, I love this music.  I would feel especially bad when a friend would look through my library because I knew I hadn't gotten that music the right way.  Well, my guilt got pretty bad one night, and I found new resolve to flush it all away.  Let me tell you, it totally sucked.  I had to close my eyes to what I was deleting quite a few times.  My all time favorite artists, down the drink, but I knew it would be worth it.  I can now proudly say that I have only honorable music now!  That's such a liberating thing!

It stinks that I've just recently found some new artists that I just "have" to have, though, but that's what Pandora and Grooveshark are for, right?  Right!  (Check out some of this guy, by the way.  He's one of the Avett Brothers, and his music is beautiful.)

I will never allow myself to return to ill-gotten music again.  I promise.

That makes me very happy.

One more thing, guys: I read an article recently that explained how your laptop is constantly sending and receiving signal to get wireless internet and how that generates radiation.  If you're holding your laptop on your lap, you're essentially radiating your pelvis.  This is totally not good, and the article suggested keeping a six-inch pillow between yourself and the laptop, turning the wireless signal off when working on word processing and pictures, and just straight up keeping the thing on a table instead.  (Pregnant women should take special heed.)  What's even scarier is the same thing goes for cell phones (and regular cordless phones).  Keeping your cell in your pocket and holding it up to your head radiates you.  No lie.  I told this to my mother who mentioned a friend's husband who developed cancer on his hip right where he kept his cell phone in his pocket.  Again, you can turn off the connection signal if you just need it as an alarm or a clock.  I suppose a bluetooth device would be best, but would the signaling from the bluetooth to the phone do some of the same damage, too, do you think?  Note: The article  must be cited, but it comes from a site and magazine that I do not recommend perusing.

Project: Journal

I'm mod podged my new journal!  (Here's my previous one.)  It took me a pretty long time to get things right on the canvas, and I wasn't as pleased with it at first, but it's finished, it's good, and it's growing on me.

I started with this puppy...

  

 ...made my room very, very messy...

...and ended up with this!

I used clippings from Pottery Barn and Urban Outfitters catalogs, a brochure for my hometown, an advertisement for RVs, and lots of other magazines and such.  I wanted to use a lot of rustic elements (see the raw wood, wardrobe, butterfly, jars, and the outdoor scenes), but I needed to have those pops of color, too, so I put in that abstract painting and the layers of rainbow corduroys.  You can note the clock tower in the center picture.  It's on the top of the county courthouse here, and it kind of signifies ownership of this season of my life.  Coupling it with the Journey pieces and the picture of the road signifies looking ahead to what's unknown.  All in all, it's a pretty good representation of where I am and possibly of what I'll be writing in this journal.

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What do you do when you're discouraged?  This filthy thing keeps coming back around to attack me, and I'm getting sick of dealing with it.  I know that I have so much to be thankful for.  I know that whatever trials and unhappy things that are going on now won't last forever.  I know that I don't need this and this and this to be happy, cool, or popular.  I know that I'm loved.  So why can't I focus on the good?

I think that identifying the triggers of discouragement and making the effort to keep away from them will help.  Well, duh.  This would mean staying away from blogging more, rather, staying away from other blogs that imply that happiness is having X.  Life is not in fashion; vintage accessories; romance, glamorous and hip scenes in other parts of the country; or the best looking food you're ever laid your eyes on.  Aha!  A lot of my discouragement comes from discontentment!

New plan:  ...well, I don't have a plan yet, but it might involve much less time browsing the internet, much more time reading, and some severe and difficult changes to my perspectives.

Writing about it helps.  :) 

Life is good because God is good. 

{Images: me}

Winter Holiday Controversy, and it's not even after Halloween yet

For the first time ever, I will be on the servicing side of the consumerist holiday season.  It might not be right to judge this whole experience before going through it, but I'm already apprehensive and cynical.  And, it's probably terrible of me, but I'm wondering how many people I can offend by saying "Happy Holidays."  Yes, here in the Bible Belt, I think I would offend more people saying that instead of saying "Merry Christmas."  I'm all about the celebration of the Advent, the coming of God's Son, Jesus the Christ, who came to right the relationship between God and man, but I get a little giggly when people get upset about the word "Christmas".  All in all, it would be the most fun to say "Happy Channukah" because of that voiceless velar fricative.

Some food for thought: Um, In the place of every other comment I could make about argument choices, perspective delivery, respect, and professionalism, I'm just gonna say that I won't be celebrating the shortest and darkest day of the year.  What kind of a dismal holiday is that?

I put up the first of our holiday signs this past week.  I put out our first festive merchandise before Autumn had even started.  You might think at first that an office supplies chain store might not have to be open at 5 in the morning on Black Friday, but then you remember the laptops, desktops, cameras, and GPSs.

Computers are cool and all, but, if I could have one thing from the store, it would be this:

via dickblick.com

Crayola's 150-count Crayon Tower!

(I've been eyeing it since I started working here two years ago.)

Fill in the Blank Friday

As is my inconsistent tradition, I'm going go take part in Lauren's Fill in the Blank Friday!

1. I am becoming more and more thankful for my family (Mom, Dad, and sister Taylor).  They've been blessing me so much with their love.  They're some of my biggest encouragements and they help me keep my head above water when things get hard and harder.  I'm also becoming more comfortable telling them about things I'm going through which is a big deal because, four years ago, I never told them anything about my life.  That's one reason why I'm glad to be growing up.  : )

My family and I with one of my professors at my graduation this past May
More or less color coordinated, too!
Photo taken by Janice Perron

2. I wish for discipline.  This is my first free day in a while, and I have so much that I want to do, but  I'm still very good at procrastinating, especially when it comes to job applications and essays.  Beyond applications, my list of things I want to do includes: balance check book, exercise, set some collages I've made, journal (I haven't in a while), call a new networking contact, and go to my sister's homecoming game.

3. I like the outdoors!  M U S I C!  Barn swallows, the colors green and cyan, wearing scarves, butterflies, stingrays, and dreaming about flying.

4. I can solve a Rubik's Cube.  Aaand, I can not think of anything else to say!

5. I hope one day to be a good storyteller, a wife and mother, and a good encourager.

6. I think too much about things that worry and stress me.  In a DISC personality test I took last night, I learned that I'm a high C which means I'm very conscientious or cautious.  I analyze, I'm detail oriented, and I make sure all the ducks are in their rows before I make decisions.  These things combine to give me a strong desire for control, but, right now and always, many things are outside of my control.  My stress makes more sense to me now that I know this about myself.

7. I was was in front of Buckingham Palace when the previous Prime Minister was giving his resignation to the Queen.  Random, I know, but so is this next one.  I was totally into techno music and pretty much only techno music the summer after my freshman year.  I smile at the huge difference between then and now.

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One of my new favorite songs!  Cosmic Love by Florence and the Machine!

These next ones I saw first posted on A Cup of Jo.  There's a fun blog where people post pictures of their parents from back in the day.  Every time I come across unnecessary quotes I smile and shake my head.  I've thought a lot about tattoos lately, and I really like this classy and beautiful idea.

Happy things

I was flipping through one of my quote books today and came across some things I jotted down that make me smile like the time my professor, Mr. Palmer, told us in class one day, "Sorry, I just thought of something I can't say out loud."  Here are some others.

When asked how she slept the night before

"Besides the times when I was awake, I slept pretty well." - my sister, Taylor

While on the phone with my dad

"And bring home something that goes with Moroccan chicken and rice.  ...No, not a camel!" - my mom

During Bryan College's Spiritual Life Conference (August 2009)

"Love is difficult, but beautiful.  Strive to make it work." - Gary Stratton

During SGA election time

"Several freshmen asked my advice on their speeches.  If any of them take it, their [SGA] chapel will be hilarious." - Justin Malloy

And, these are thoughts written during my senior seminar course retreat during some of our great professors.  These are good things to remember.

(From Dr. Turner) It's okay to live without all the answers.  It's okay to be in process.

(From Coach Sayles) Enjoy the life of the journey.  The destination may not be the most important part.

(From Dr. Daryl Charles) The will of God is not geographical, it's relational.  "Love God then do as you please."  Commit everything to Him, abide in Him, then go with gusto!

In his book Telling the World Its Own Story

"We have overcome and we have prevailed ultimately because He has overcome and He has prevailed." - Richard John Neuhaus

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Ok.  I know I can't hang around wedding websites too much (Mom does say they're of the devil), but I have to tell you!  This amazing place is my dream wedding venue!  Here's some photos of a wedding there.  Absolutely lovely.

Now that we got that out of the way, here's a tasty sandwich I really want to try sometime.  We even have some apples in the kitchen, and probably some raisins, but our cheddar cheese is just normal.  What about trying it with gouda?

I was going to try to do a trendy blogger thing and come up with a whole post of things that reminded me of Van Gogh's Starry Night (one of my favorite paintings), but this super cool owl hoodie is as far as I got.  It makes me want to go camping and wear a cute hat.  Maybe I'll be inspired later on to try again.

For sale by Boygirlparty on Etsy!

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P.s.  I'm letting my hair grow out again after getting it cut to above my shoulders in August.  The bangs are growing, too, and I wish it was all longer already.  It's a bother having this in-between length.

My try at DIY

My birthday was in August (a beautiful month), and I was given a pair of red TOMS just like I've always wanted.  They were even the right size, or, they were the size I thought I needed after trying on a pair in a boutique in South Carolina.  Well, I put my new shoes on, and I oohed and aahed over their simple comfort, but then I noticed that the right shoe felt at least a half size bigger.  Mom and I figured that it had been stretched out due to people trying it on in the store so much.  I went back to the store to see if I could exchange my shoes for a pair that fit well on both feet, but the store's policy doesn't allow returns or exchanges.  The girl at the register suggested I try back when the owner would be in, but I'd already been scheming of how to fix these shoes myself...

You see, when I'd tried my shoes on for the first time, my jeans got stuck between my heel and the back of the shoe.  In that situation, my shoes felt perfect.  So, what if I could put some extra fabric there at the heel to take up the extra space and make the shoes fit?  What if I used an old pair of jeans?

One day when none of my family was home, I took out the shoes and a pair of jeans.

Here's how I started out.  I drew along the edge of the lip of the shoe's heel with a Sharpie so I'd know where to cut the jean.  I knew that this was going to be quite an altering surgery, but I wanted the jean to be as invisible as possible.

I cut along the line I drew and placed in the shoe and tried it on (I tested and adjusted many times through the process).  It still felt pretty loose.  I found that I would need 3 or more scraps of jean for the shoe to fit snugly.  I thought that using the folded part at the hem of the jean would create more of a lip to keep my heel from sliding, so I cut that off to use, too.

By this time, my work space (the kitchen table) was a mess, but the weather was lovely and the door was open, so it was ok.

What was not ok was trying to sew these 3-4 pieces of thick fabric together with my unskilled hand and a sharp threaded needle.  After only a few tries, I knew that this was not going to work.  My mind had strayed to Dad's old sewing machine a few times when I had been plotting this plan, but I didn't think I'd have to use it.  Experience proved differently.

The only times I've used a sewing machine was when Mrs. Gina, a friend of my parents', kept my sister and I for a couple days.  She was trying to teach us how to sew.  We made pillow cases and a plush nativity scene "all by ourselves."  I've also seen my dad sew a few odds and ends (fixing holes, piecing together large pieces of camouflage cloth, and the like), so I sort of knew how to use this bulky machine I was lugging up from the basement.  I sort of did not know what I was doing wrong when I was trying to get this loop of thread to connect with this part of the machinery, and, gah, I've been messing with this for an hour already?

Yes, it was a whole hour.  I had gone back down to the basement to look for the instruction manual, but I didn't find it.  Thank goodness for the internet: I found the manual online.  It's descriptions and pictures and FAQs still weren't helping, though, and I started to get worried when I read other sewing sites giving advice about taking the machine to a specialist and getting the bobbin put back in time.  I really did not want to tell my parents I broke our sewing machine.

I decided to just go for it, just put the cloth in and step on the pedal to see what happened, well, it worked.  I made a nasty web of the thread by not keeping the cloth moving consistently, but it worked!

I don't know how to sew.  This is really a crappy job, but, this was going on the inside of my shoe where no one would see it, so that doesn't matter.  I didn't plan this whole thing out as well as I could have, but the end result wasn't too bad.  In fact, if I could get the fabric pad to stay put, it worked really well and kept my shoes form slipping.

I had a big mess to clean up, but I was proud of myself for besting that beast of a sewing machine, for figuring out how to fix a problem, and for being resourceful.  I have since attached velcro to the shoe and the jean fabric so that it stays put with no problem.  This solution has worked out pretty fine for me, but I think I added one too many layers of cloth to my left shoe and one too few to my right.  I could always take velcro off and the seams apart to fix it, but, I worked so hard to get them the way they are, I think they'll stay this way forever.

My dog was thoroughly not entertained through this whole ordeal.

And, just for free, this is a picture of the serenity that my revamped room offered in the almost-evening of a perfect summer day.

{Images by me}

Surrender

God's shown me three times in huge, inescapable ways (all in the last three weekends, too) that I desperately need Him.  My problem is, I haven't believed it.  I sincerely hope that I will get with it and respond the right way soon.

Surrendering my rights, my desires, my will is extremely difficult.  I've been told to be a go-getter, to pursue what I want, to be successful, to work hard.  Well, thank you, American Dream.  You've brought me to discontentment and disappointment.  Why did I believe you and trust you?  I trusted you with my hopes and dreams, and what have you done for me?  Where are you, now that I'm living with my family instead of in my own apartment?  Where are you, now that I'm working as a cashier without any other job offers?  American Dream, you have deserted me.  You have lied to me.  You told me I needed all these new gadgets, a new car, a posh job, and a chic apartment to be successful.  I believed you, but I don't want to anymore.

Believing in you, American Dream, led me to doubt my God and His goodness and faithfulness.  He will never lie to me.  He will never offer fake happiness.  He will never judge me by my outward appearance.  He will never think less of me because I'm not earning a large paycheck.

American Dream, you have come between me and the One who loves me most.  You have damaged my heart, twisted my self worth, and stomped my soul into the ground.

It's over.

You don't hold my identity anymore.

God, I beg you to help me.  Help me surrender.  Teach me because I don't know how.  Tune my ears to recognize the lies for what they are.  Make me malleable, receptive, and responsive to what You have for me. Above all, Lord, please, please, help me trust You.  Remind me that you are capable, no, more than capable, to keep my soul and to protect my heart.  Help me to accept with joy what you allow to come my way, for it is for Your glory and my joy that you allow them.

You love me more than life itself.  I so want to reciprocate!

via Psychcentral

Links, Work, and Jesus

If you go to naturesoundsfor.me, you can compose your own nature sounds.  That sounded useless to me until I composed my memories of childhood camping.

Image: buko via Threadless

Here's a beautiful design from Threadless that I like very much.>>  And, with a little digging, I discovered another threadless-like t-shirt site.  It's much, much more on the macabre side of design, but I found two tees that I like.  This one reminds me about the much anticipated conclusion to the epic adventure of Harry Potter. And this one is just cool.

Another site that requires lots of persistent digging but could result in great discovery and acquisition of legally free music from fresh and undiscovered artists is Jamendo.com.  I haven't looked at it much, a friend just told me about it last night, but I have found two neat instrumental pieces along with some jazzy stuff, and there's plenty to satisfy my closet addiction to techno.

And, for the record, I'm two for two in correctly identifying Beethoven on NPR, and I never took Music History!

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I have just a few work stories.  These first two are pretty funny.  So, this dude walks up to the large bottles of  water we have asking, "How much for the water?"  We can price match them for the price of $0.99, but they're usually $1.49.  I just tell him, "99 cents."

"Oh good!"  I lays down a dollar bill on my counter, but, as I ring up the bottle, he adds, "Oh, and tax money?  Oh man, two cents..." He fumbled in his pockets and couldn't find any other money.  I'd seen him walk in with his mother and younger siblings who probably had money (since they did come in to buy certain things, you know), but I told him, "You know, don't worry.  I got it."

"Oh, really?!  Wow, wow."  Two cents isn't much of a big deal, and I could grab those pennies from my wallet in a few minutes, but I felt happy knowing I made his day.  The funny part came when he said, as if this were the best way in the world to repay someone for a kindness,  "Hey.  You have a good evening."  Um...  ok?

A 22-year-old dude comes to my register when the store is dead.  "Man, I bet you get bored here, don't you?"  Trying to make some conversation and to take advantage of someone offering conversation, I agree.

"Yeah.  So, if you wanna stick around and tell me some jokes, that'd be great!" I say.

"Ah,  I've got some good jokes, but you just put me on the spot!  Hm... Nope, I can't remember any."

It was awkward for the rest of his transaction, but he found new courage as he was walking out the door.

"Hey, do you have a facebook?"

Uh oh.  Now, I really did not want to give this guy any reason to look me up, but I didn't feel right lying to him, either.  My honest soul said to him, "uhhh.... yeah?"

"What is it?"

I helplessly told him the url.

"Ok.  And, hey, don't delete me if I say something stupid."

I was frustrated with my obligation to honesty, but, with this new plea of his, I figure a little more couldn't hurt.  "Oh, well, I probably will."  This is the truth, you see.  I routinely sift through my facebook friends in hopes of a more simplified social networking and fewer "friends" that I'll never talk to anyway.  And, I've deleted relatives before because of all the crap that came up on my news feed from them.  22-year-old dude didn't know any of this, though, and he said again, "No, really, don't delete me if I say something stupid."  Yeah... right.

Later that day I found a message from him in my inbox. "ok facebook is being dumb.... so send me a friend request"  No thank you.

And, here's a picture of poor quality that
shows a lady's bright outfit one day.
Yellow-orange feather hair piece, orange earrings,
yellow blouse, orange pants, yellow flip
flops, orange cocktail ring, and yellow-orange bag

This last story comes from a few mornings ago when a darling Southern boy walks in asking where the cameras for a computer are.  I was immediately smitten.  If ever a movie needed a young fella to be the epitome of the good ole Southern boy and to garner "aww"s from the female audience, this guy would be perfect, right down to his camo hunting jacket, the baseball cap, the work boots, the scruff, and the tanned skin.  As I led him to the web cams, he told me he "didn't understand all this technology stuff."  I talked with him briefly about the troubles and complications computers have brought then helped him decide which web cam would be best.  When he was ready to check out, he had an almost worried look in his brows, the kind that betrays innocence.  It was quite adorable, and I didn't mind that he told me again about not knowing anything about computers.  My sister suggested that he was buying the web cam so he could chat with his "rich Southern girlfriend who's going to some snob college."  Of maybe his older brother is in the marines and is being transferred to the Middle East.  Or maybe his parents recently divorced, and his mother had to move to Washington state.  Or maybe he's trying to start a band with his friend named Rick who decided that they would start a vlog and commissioned our young man to buy a web cam for the project.  Whichever is true, I wish him the best.

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This would be a long story, so I'm going to give you a sum-up.  Two weeks ago, I was suddenly slammed by my deepest insecurities as I was about to go to sleep.  I had never felt these insecurities so keenly, and my heart felt devastated.  I came to God for comfort, and, I felt, He didn't show up.  I felt completely deserted, angry, confused, frustrated, and all of the other unhappy emotions in between.
For the next week, God and I didn't talk much, but I knew in my heart of hearts that, even though I had been considering atheism, I needed to get back to a healthy relationship with Him.  I wasn't doing much to heal our relationship, and I didn't know what the heck God was (or wasn't) doing.  This past Sunday, Millie and I went to our college church during a great homecoming week.  As I took a piece of bread from the communion plate, I was washed with the realness of Jesus' sacrificial death and the love for me that led Him there.  I really  have no idea what's going on with God's plans, but I cannot turn my heart from Jesus' love.  I am so thankful for how personable Jesus Christ is, because He feels like my only connection with God and who God is right now.
This week I've been shown that I've been looking for life in the wrong places.  Identity, joy, and love, the pure kinds, they come from God alone.  I hope that I will find some of what I'm looking for before I get to heaven where everything is redeemed.